The Reason

I hope this finds you all healthy, happy, and safe. I added that last word because I once again have had a recent reminder that every single day is an unknown. You get up in the morning, you get ready, you go to work, and we all just assume it will be a normal day, and we will come home at night, like we always do. Most of you that are close to me know that a few years ago I had a terrifying tragedy at my work. An armed gunman came into my work, shot off 9 rounds of ammo , held a girl hostage, and ultimately shot himself in a brand new Ferrari. This was a life altering event for me. I had dealt with so much trauma and drama from my medical life, but never in a million years did I think something like that would happen to me. It changed my life, everything I thought, my feelings of safety, my health, my whole world. I went through a very rough time in coming to terms with what had happened and moved back to Idaho to collect my sanity and feel safe again. It was after this incident when I really got serious about publishing Scardust. I moved in with my parents, finished my education, and published my book. And luckily in the mean time, realized that through all I have now faced, and dealt with, that there was one huge gift God has left me with, and that was Brian, my husband. He helped me to feel safe again, he loved me though all my paranoid nights of being afraid to fall asleep for fear someone would burst through our doors and kill us. I had post traumatic stress syndrome, nightmares, panic attacks, you name it. I was afraid to come to Phoenix again, but knew that I had someone there to protect me now. Of course this has been an extremely tough year with my health, being in the hospital 4 times, and having about 7 surgeries. I would have to say our marriage was tested much more than most in their first year. But, we made it, and being that we were best friends first, we knew it would make us stronger. We rang in our new year with the thought of having a healthy year, and hopefully not getting sick. Well, I managed to achieve that until recently. I am luckily not in the hospital, but have bronchitis. This last week, I was reflecting on how we really are lucky that we have the people in our lives that we do. A few nights ago, at my work, I found myself calling my husband, crying and asking him to please come here as soon as he can. I was in shock that I was at the point, again, of having to call my husband and tell him what had happened. A man who was obviously mentally ill ended up holding me against my will and would not let me use the phone or get up to get away from him. He did not have a weapon that I know of, but the conversation went from normal, friendly courtesy, to very uncomfortably creepy very fast. Long story short, I finally got away from the man, but it shook me up terribly. The flashbacks of the situation a few years ago flashed in my mind and I found myself plotting in my head how I could get someone to help me without being obvious, I couldn't use the phone, or my voice because I was too terrified of what he might do if I did. For those moments though, I felt like I was being held hostage, without an obvious weapon. At the end of the interview with the police it ended my night in a disturbing way. All I wanted was my husband there, because if he was there, I was safe. Before we went to sleep that night, he asked if I was alright with everything after what had happened. All I could manage to think, or say to him was "I'm just glad I got to come home tonight." I don't know why these things seem to happen to me, but I do know that I learn so much from each tragedy. I think I am ready for a break. You can have money, good jobs, whatever you think you want, but when it comes down to the end of the day, I just want safety, love, and family around me. Luckily Bri and I had a vacation planned this next week to go to Idaho, a place we both feel tranquility and most of all, I feel safe. It amazes me how quick life moves, how in just an instance your whole entire life can drastically shift you. It is extremely settling to know that the only real importance in life is to live, to love, and to give life and love to those around you. Take just one moment to acknowledge the fact that you are alive to read this, and then realize the amazing people you have surrounding you in your life that breathe the love and encouragement when your breath has been taken away. To my breath, Brian, my husband and best friend, thank you for loving me through all the drama, the trauma, and the really scary stuff...you are my reason. If you don't know, find yours, find your reason that makes you get up off your feet even when you don't want to and become a better person. Love and peace to you all this night, let us all give our thanks in being home safe to read this. Love jennifer